Well punch me in the vagina!!!

Dear diary, long time between chats but I have made a silent vow that if I am in no mood to type semi-positive or interesting shit, i will not post.

You might have heard me mention my vagina earlier – yes you did – don’t look away.

I have a constant feeling in my groin area equal to feeling like I’ve been sucker punched in my bits – there and my bum, my hip and lower back and whilst i was getting bashed someone pulled my leg out of it’s socket and let it dangle there until it fell off completely.

Hurts to walk, sit, lift, get out of bed, get into bed, get in and out of the car, just LIVE basically, so I am just a barrel laughs and good times to be around at the moment… YEAH!

Yes for those medically minded people (or to the people who have experienced said pain) I have what has now been officially diagnosed by both doctor and physio Symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD).

Wikipedia will tell you SPD is a condition that causes excessive movement of the pubic symphysis, either anterior or lateral, as well as associated pain, possibly because of a misalignment of the pelvis. Most commonly associated with pregnancy and childbirth, it is diagnosed in approximately 1 in 300 pregnancies, although some estimates of incidence are as high as 1 in 50.[1]

I will tell you right here and now that this shit is fucked – with a capital F! Pretty sure i suffered the same carrying Billy, but nothing to the extreme i am currently experiencing and at last count i am only at the 23 week mark… quick check on my trusty calc tells me i still have 17 weeks left of bearing this (beautiful) human – GAAAWWWWWWWD HELP ME AND THOSE WHO HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME.

Give me kankles any day (over this, not as well as)…

I have a band that i have to wear around my hips/bum, that will help with the pain and support but i can’t wear it in current angry and inflamed condition and have even been strongly recommended to don a pair of crutches to get the eff off my feet…. I didn’t want to be a NO girl to the kind physio but I have seen me on crutches, i also work in the profession of SAFETY – it’s a hazard – for everyone… it’s similar to me trying to control skis in the water – looks simple – it’s not… and then what? i dislocate my shoulders trying to carry the weight of my growing body and then i am properly disabled….. OH MY GOODNESS NO!  We will see about this..

Anyway, that’s been enough to keep me distracted from a lot lately.  My rage has been tested over the past few weeks, tried and tested and I am not sure for the most part that I even have liked myself if I’m honest.

Thursday night i was in the most peaceful sleep – i had just got to that comfortable spot in the sleep cycle that I wasn’t coming out of any time soon, that was until i heard dirt bikes going up and down the street outside of my bedroom window – that’ll wake any heavy sleeper up….. Awake and ready to kill I was…. By the time i ran (note my symptoms listed above, they were present at this time of night – which increased said rage) to the window they had long sped off….. off to sleep i went again, thinking perhaps it was one off and no one in my neighborhood would be that stupid and inconsiderate….  Oh how wrong i was….  They came back and went again and on the third time I was on the phone to the police like a mental patient pleading with them to come and save these hooligans from the wrath of the heavily pregnant (by that what I mean is i am heavy and pregnant, so it is by no means an exaggeration) lady who doesn’t want her 18 month old son woken up….

Not sure how serious they took me and then the next i heard the bikes go again at 2:30am BRRRRRRRRRRRR – back on the phone , with Jamie yelling out that he was going to make the bikes disappear up their you-know-whats…. I was a lot more articulate with what might have happened to these dickheads if they continued with the noise any longer – i told the lovely lady on the other end that i was genuinely concerned for their well being if they woke my son up…i fell short of going into too much description so as not to get myself locked up.  Needless to say, the police eventually did a drive by and we didn’t hear the bikes again until the morning…. Fancy messing with me in my nightie pffft…

I was actually going to kill them….

But that’s all i can babble about for the moment, my tiny human is approximately the size of a delicious bunch of green grapes – i don’t like these types of descriptions though, is it a bunch that just got to the grocery trolley – before the obligatory quality assurance/taste test throughout the whole shopping centre – or is it a bunch that make it through the checkouts with only about 4 grapes left on each stem….  Let’s just imagine it’s a healthy big bunch still sitting in the bay….

HEY! Check out how big my little mate’s hand is!!! It’s getting biiiiiggggerrr (just like mummy)….





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