Like a bull in a china shop…

Well hello there fellow readers of my moan and groan blog – great to see you’ve been suckered in to read another one. Welcome back!

These last few weeks have been somewhat trying.  I’ve now gone and got myself some lovely looking crutches to draw more attention to the fact that I’ve been beaten with the troublesome pregnancy stick.  They are to use through the day to try and take the pressure off my pelvis area (since I’ve been told it is in fact not improving and actually getting worse – oh goodie!).  I leave them in the car in the afternoon as it’s not like I can play this injury card to the 18month old at home – he don’t care, “just pick me up lady”!

My latest explanation which is making people run for the hills after they ask the question of “what have you done to yourself”, is simply “I had sex”…. I mean, it’s true – that’s how you get pregnant guys (spoiler alert), the looks are wonderful and the silence thereafter is hilarious.  I also told one colleague to “move out of my way or I’ll throw my crutch at you” today.  I’m sure I’ll get some kind of sexual harassment form thrown my way soon, but look – i don’t care – bring it, I’m clearly disabled, pregnant and a woman – pffft – talk about protected!

(DISCLAIMER: please let it be known, I am only joking – I am sure I will lose any sexual harassment case with the amount of street talk I’ve been throwing out there lately – but don’t sue me, I’m simply just frustrated and lacking endorphins).

Speaking of my 18 month old, I am loving the shiz out of my cute kid lately (as opposed to nothing – I am ALWAYS loving the shiz out of him).  He’s learning stuff every day, and owning it like he’s always done it that way.

We’ve got him in his big boy bed which has been pretty smooth sailing thus far.  Not going to lie, I miss the cage effect the cot had where he couldn’t actually get out and be defiant about sleep time but I’m sure we’ll get there.

Last night though he wasn’t having a bar of this “sleep in your own bed” business, he was not impressed. So, after a few attempts of putting him back and leaving him there and then taking him back when he would come out to where we were I went in a laid with him.  This kid was tired – his eyes were fighting to stay awake and every few seconds he would open them to see that I was still there.  I know to wait until the 2nd stage snoring kicks in before even attempting to move off the bed (1st stage is a light heavy breathing noise – 2nd stage is a road train noise).  That kicked in after a while so I thought I would make my move.

This little trickster Billy is smart though, he tends to interlock either an arm or a leg around one of my limbs (arm, leg or even neck – much like a choke hold), so I had to gently unwind from him. Got that done, but then I had to shuffle off the bed in a way that wouldn’t make movement or noise – meaning ‘gracefully’.  There is nothing graceful about me, people! I have a basketball in the front and a pelvis and hips that currently don’t allow smooth movements….

How i wanted it to go down was the like the laser scene in the movie Entrapment (you know, Katherine Zeta Jones dodging all the laser to get to the loot), how it really went down was more like a bull in a china shop.

entrapment  -V-  bull

I dragged my body to the edge of the bed without waking him. Pushing my self up so as not to hurt myself any further (because moving hurts) was the next step, and this is where it began to unravel – the creak and moan of the bed as i lifted my weight off was enough to stir my favorite little man (i guess that makes it sound like i weigh about 200kg – I don’t, even though some days I feel like it)…… He rolled over and tried to resettle but the road train snoring went back to heavy breathing so I was in dangerous territory, so i crept/limped over to the door to make my final exit move when I realized (as i do EVERY BED TIME) that we need to really oil our squeaky doors – BOOM Billy was WIDE AWAKE with the loud screech of the door, looking at me like I was some fool for trying to escape. I felt as though I was getting busted red handed for breaking out of prison.  So, I had to start the process again.

I thought I had been successful with the 2nd attempt (about 40 minutes later), and was in bed when I heard jimmy (who was on his way to bed) say “what are you doing out here, little mate” – Billy had quietly exited his bed (no doubt Katherine Zeta Jones style), went into the lounge room and was just hanging out on the couch in the dark…. What a trickster.

We let him fall to sleep in our bed and then I took him back and dumped his sleeping body back into his bed.  Thanks for letting us sleep in this morning buddy, such a big night for you!

Another funny thing that I am HOPING is not a habit is that he came with me to the toilet the other day.  He wasn’t going mind you, no no – it was me.  I know that i signed away my freedom to privacy the day he started to become mobile but this was something else. I was doing my business, trying not to make eye contact because that’s a bit weird, when he got scared of a noise outside (it was the early hours of the morning and it was my turn to do the morning duty and Jamie’s turn to sleep-in *a sleep-in is not having to wake up before 5am*, so Billy spending quality time with me in the little room was really the only option) and he proceeded to climb onto my lap….mid business…. um…. ok…. he seemed comfortable and my comfort no longer counts so I just rolled with it, but I was thinking about down the track when there will be 2 of them…. does that happen – 2 kids perched on your lap whilst you pay a penny??  Some food for thought, i guess.  Then he helped me handle the toilet paper – HE DIDN’T WIPE GUYS, GET YOUR MIND OUT OF IT…. He seemed to be proud of handing me a square at a time…  On ya Son!

Gosh I love him!

Oh and although he doesn’t yet get the concept that Mummy is storing his new sibling in her belly, there was a (rare) moment on the weekend where he was sitting still with his head resting on my belly.  The baby kicked him square in the face and he shot up and looked at me like I had done it…. it was fkg hilarious but I probably won’t be able to repeat it again because he wouldn’t go near my gut after that.

AHHHH GOOD TIMES!  I cannot wait for August!

I found this link of another blogger who suffered the same thing as I am currently going through – she also mentions the feeling of being kicked down there…. so it’s just not me talking about my lady bits – it’s a fact!

Anyway, that’s it for me – I have to go and do some writing that will actually get me closer to getting my degree and work on an assignment – this is a prime example of procrastination….

But before you go, don’t forget to high five my little belly friend….  Check out the size of that hand WHOA!


Ps. I STILL have not taken a pregnancy belly shot… oops… I might start soon, get at least 3 in before August… just in case the question pops up in later years “Mummy, how come there are all these gut shots when you carried Billy and none of me”.  Well kid, that’s because you were 2nd…..!


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