The Human Bed Rail

Oh here I am! long time between words, you might say.  I’ve been saving them all for this one big one.

In all honesty, I’ve not wanted to jump on and rant and rave too much as my woes are kind of first world and in light of what’s happening around us, i figure the last thing folks want to read about is some heavily pregnant chic ranting and raving about a sore pelvis and the constant need to wee.

In saying that though, let’s talk about my sore pelvis and the constant urgent feeling of needing to wee – I call it my 2 step issue.  Simple, i take 2 steps and think that I my legs are going to fall out of their sockets and this baby is going to come crashing out, just with the lack of support and pain i feel down there – and then another 2 steps makes me feel like i’m literally going to pee my pants….  4 steps and my day is basically over.

I’ve been resting this week – supposed to be my last week at work…. I did one day, i guess that’s a big deal in some countries – don’t ask me about how productive that day was, it’s all relative.

I guess you could say we had a mini ‘baby-moon’ as the fancy people call it, over the weekend.  We went to Airlie Beach to celebrate a (beautiful) family wedding.  Stayed in some fancy digs and had a jolly old time, it was just lovely.  I did feel somewhat relaxed, especially in the spa the size of my main bathroom, and the GIANT king sized bed.  I have to admit though, i think i would have relaxed a little bit more had i not have been Billy’s very own human bed rail.  This bed felt bigger than a king (only because Jimmy and I have a Queen so anything bigger feels like paradise), and even though we did take down Billy’s big boy bed guard rail, thinking we were going to plonk him on one of the other beds we realised, it was a pick your battle moment and it would have been just as easier to plonk him on the GIANT bed with us, so at least it saves the argument of who would be getting up through the night when he realised he was asleep in a strange room.  So in the middle he slept.

Got off to a good start, he was smack bang in the middle…. Then i settled in to sleep and woke up when Jimmy came home from the wedding (heavily pregnant, sober with a toddler – there was never any point staying to the end)….  I realised then what was going to happen for the rest of the night, when I was being held hostage against the baby bed rail by Billy’s feet – he was horizontal and looked OH SO COMFORTABLE whilst I was completely pinned.  We fixed that. Turned him back to how he should be….  Went back to sleep.  Woke again at some point through the night with my usual urgency to pee and realised that any movement would have interrupted the snoring toddler who was basically on me, again with me being physically pinned against this rail.  I couldnt reach out to Jamie because as i mentioned, this big bed was the size of our bedroom – I needed a megaphone to get his attention (i am just thinking about the end of Titanic, HELLLOOOOO, IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THEEEEEEERE, CAN YOU HEEEEEAAAAAR ME). In a Mother Theresa move, i risked kidney infection and utter discomfort for the sake of not interrupting my kid and tried not to think about why i needed to get up and suffered it out.

Thank goodness for the bed rail, is all i can say. Otherwise, i am sure he would have sent me packing with a pillow to the floor.  See ya Mum!

That was the story for both the nights, but it didnt affect my time in the house and it was a beautiful weekend away.

On another sleeping note relating to said (adoreable) toddler though.  He’s been a bit restless of late with teeth coming and being teased with the comfort of sleeping with the folks that since we have been back he’s wanted to come and hang out in the somewhat smaller bed with us.  I am in no phyical condition to walk him back to his room so I settle with him crashing with us, probably creating a monster but at this point lets roll with this monster and try and tame that beast later on.  Anyway, last night was no exception.  He came in at midnight.  I am pretty sure he came in with ants in his pants because he.would.not.stop.moving! Far out, i think i called him a name (I told him to stop being a dickhead at about 3am …. then apologised because obviously that’s no way to speak to a kid – but it was a little frustrating to save the VERY least).

A weird thing happened though.  Thanks to my Peter Alexander PJ pants that are super baggy (show me a sexy pair of Peter Alexander PJs – i bet you can’t) and held up by a drawstring.  I woke up, on my side, against the side of the bed (no bed rail in sight mind you), with my Son’s legs inside my baggy pants with me!! WHAT THE FECK!!!????  That’s spooning on another level!  I felt like a jungle animal carrying it’s babies on the front and back…

Then after pushing him OUT of my pj pants – later i woke to him trying to get back in them and my KNICKERS!!! GET OUT!!!!!  I told Jamie in the morning, and he’s like “pffft…. well, he was never getting into your knickers – I’ve tried – that’s not even possible”…. (Um… Jamie, that’s what got me into writing this blog, actually)…..  What’s with that though little Bill? Get out of Mummy’s pants please! Far out!

Needless to say, we were all very tired this morning and I just happened to take the day off work (again), to spend some recoup time on the comfy couch….

SO.  We are 35 and a bit weeks along now (OH JEEPERS CREEPERS – THAT’S 8 MONTHS), and given i was away for the weekend and there was a full length mirror with no messy bedroom setting behind me, i thought I would take the 2nd gut shot of the pregnancy)…  Not sure that we will be staying at any other fancy places with full length mirrors, so it might be the last….. 2 is better than none though little (big) baby – at least Mummy took 2.

Here I am in all my pregnant glory ….


I am very pleased to say too, I still have some ankle definition…. Perhaps in my next post to the world I will track down a picture of the horror stories that were my feet when I was pregnant with Billy.  I think only the pictures will provide a true representation of the state I found myself in.  If I am going to be grateful for one thing – it’s the fact that I don’t have pressure dimples on the bottoms of my feet, even when i am NOT standing on them……

There is less and less room for this baby to move around though, so any movement I am becoming distracted.  One trait i have, which is not always good is I don’t always know how to hide my facial emotions.  This becomes evident in meetings and other social situations, when my little belly mate moves around and my eyes and face show that I am FREAKING out that s/he is about to burst out through the gut like the scene in one of the Alien movies….  Pretty sure my face is similar to Sigourney Weaver’s flawless look of terror…..


Obviously, we all know (at the very least hope), this baby won’t burst out, but I’ve been dreaming alot about literally shaking it’s hand through my skin – there is seriously no room to move!!!

I pulled my favorite move on my sister again over the weekend (you know it Nat), so sweet and naive she is, I would have expected the shock of the first time around when i fooled her she wouldn’t fall for it again.  See, i have what i like to refer to it as a ‘coco-pop mole’ (it resembles a soggy coco-pop which i have to admit i have been fooled by over the years, thinking I’d spilt my breakfast on my gut and going to eat it, only to find that it was in fact connected to my body – rookie error)… So I grab for the coco-pop with a look of awe and say “oh my goodness, I can feel the baby’s toe!”, the first time around I managed to fool a room full of people – OH THE JOY it bought me….

I got Nat again with it and had her moving “the baby’s toe” around for a good 30 seconds before she paused and said “that’s the mole, isn’t it”. OH YES MA’AM IT IS!!!!  BAAAAAHAHHAHAHA – oooooh goodness! Who needs alcohol when you have a coco-pop mole i say!!!

Seriously though, every movement from this bubba is causing my stomach to distort in the most uncomfortable of ways…. I’ve managed to capture some classic movements for you…..

Here’s a foot shot (i know right, how tanned do I look)…


Oh here’s another foot shot..  (so defined)…


Oh and this one right here – this is better than any 3D shot I’ve ever had at QLD Xray – this is my bubba when we heard QLD won state of origin (again)…


This baby totally has my noes!!  Oh and yeah, check out that bling….

God I love the internet!

Anyway, I shall leave it at that for the moment.  I’ve had fun, that’s the main thing hey!

I read this week that at 35 weeks this baby is the size of a bunch of carrots, it took everything for me not to go to the vegetable draw and pull out the carrots to give them a little nurse…. I really have to get used to a light weight baby, Billy is over 15kgs and I am scared the new bubba will be too light!!!

I’m going now – but of course, check out the growing hand that is my little baby tracker.  Nearly colored in the whole area – NOT LONG TO GO!!!!




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