As our little tiny humans grow, documenting and celebrating all the firsts and wonderful milestones is all the craze.
I’d like to change this up for the sake of talking about myself….. Here’s the last two months of my life through a series of Milestones:
(DISCLAIMER: DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T WANT ME TO GET ALL UP IN YOUR GRILL WITH PERSONAL STUFF…..)
This unfortunately for me, happens far too frequently for what I am comfortable admitting. I honestly believe baby Anna pissing at me is hand in hand with her judging my every move. I go to change her wet or dirty nappy and it’s as if she holds a little bit in the tank for the moment after i crack the nappy and to add insult to injury this entertains her and she starts smiling like she’s just thought of the funniest thing. Thankfully, there’s no doodle (hose) but it still gets a little ‘height’ and usually happens as I’ve got the clean nappy ready to close up. Little do i know she’s probably got shares in Baby Love nappies and is looking out for the dividends!
So, here’s the thing with this one. Anna is actually quite kind to us in the evenings – she’s already cracked the 11 hour record. Thanks, Anna. It’s baby Bill who is the night time terrorist. Before we go to bed i creep into his room and move his (heavy) body from the end of the bed back up right to the top and say a little prayer (to no one in particular because religion confuses me) that he will stay put until daylight. It fails me on a nightly. Sometimes when i go into his room to fix up his position I’ll have to freeze like a statue because he wakes up a little…. i can see him looking at me like I’m some creep staring at him whilst he’s sleeping, (pretending to be) like a statue… Most of the time I am safe and he’ll slumber back into dream land, but only for a few hours after which time he’ll waltz on into our room to finish the night between Mum and Dad…. Call it lazy, call it shit parenting, call it what ever you like – at that hour Jim and I don’t have the energy to walk him back to his room and go through the “go to sleep” regime until he’s out cold (which will take up to 40 minutes), so 9 nights out of 10 either one of us will be kicked in the head or our face used as a pillow (oh, did i mention Billy’s sleeping preference is side ways?). Then in the still of the night or early morning, we will hear the biggest adult like fart – loud enough to wake us from a deep sleep, and a little sleepy voice saying PARDON….. Thanks little Bill, you legend!
So, this was an anti-climate event. For the best part of 40 weeks all I could do was think about a tasty (alcoholic) beverage….. I’d even go so far as to sniff other people’s drinks and relish in the fumes for a tiny second. I had these dreams of me cracking my first drink the moment after having the baby taken from my body – just taking swigs whilst being stitched back up…. That obviously didn’t happen – apparently no glass allowed in the operating room, or something….. Anyway, when i was ready to have my first legitimate taste of a beer and wine, i could only have just that – just the taste and I was over it, what a waste! Slowly I am able to drink more from my glass, but Jim is LOVING it because I’ll have a sip of beer and say “you have this”, or hand him my glass and say, “there you go, I’m done”. It’s not the worst thing in the world, it was just totally and utterly not what i was hoping for….
I WOKE UP half way through changing Anna’s nappy one night. How does that even happen? What did i do before that? Was changing a nappy the only thing i did in my sleep??? It was a weird experience.
In early days, when I had Anna in the bassinet beside me in the bedroom I would feed her whilst sitting on the edge of my bed, that was until i nearly dropped her as i dozed off mid feed…. Not very safe. SO GLAD I DIDN’T drop her. That would have been an awkward conversation to have with Jamie and the doctor!!!
THIS WAS PURELY RESEARCH BASED
Just wanted to make sure everything was still in tact…. It is…..
Jamie would agree that it was research based, but I am sure he would tell me that it was more to do with research on Marine Biology and the study of star fish….. Thanks Jim….
Probs true though, oh well, you’re welcome …… better luck next time……
I made the decision not to breast feed before Anna had even entered the world. What I don’t understand is this – i did not have anyone touching these puppies so why do they look like i have been feeding a country for the last 10 years? WHERE DID THEY GO TO? That’s just silly, especially when they weren’t anything to write home about before I had kids, and even when i was 40 weeks pregnant most girls in high school had bigger cans than me – i don’t care that I’m (early) 30s!! WHAT IS WITH THAT??? Excuse me whilst i just make a quick appointment with a plastic surgeon!!
Actually no… this hasn’t happened yet…. I left my dignity behind when I had Billy, and i can’t see it coming back in the foreseeable future.
We are toilet training Billy at the moment (i hate this process by the way) so last week he even came and tried to push me off the toilet so that he himself could sit there. Come on bud, just give Mummy 1 second…. PLEAAAASE!!!
I was only saying to Jim the other night, how different our conversations are these days. Sitting on the couch on a Saturday night and asking the random “how many pooey nappies did you change today?” question – not in a accusatory tone, in a genuinely curious tone.. I bet the kids will never ask that question about us….
I think that’s enough for the moment.
Upon reflection of the above, this is certainly not a brag book of achievements – more achievements of a survivor hahahaha WOW – I need to get out more…. without the kids….. Bless their fat little feet, I love them so much!!